Change Is Brewing....

I am taking action on the following:

1. Less time on FB - I won't go cold turkey. But my plan is not to spend 6 years of my life on FB. Yes! That's where we are all headed. I find myself clicking on the app every. single. time. I wake up, pee, come in the house, sit down, eat a meal and turn on the TV. These are all of my triggers especially when I'm alone. But I catch myself after only reading 1-2 posts and staying on less for these increments. 

I like FB while waiting in a waiting room somewhere, or if I know I absolutely have only 10 minutes to kill in between tasks, and for myself posting crap for the garage sale site and posting my journey to live a happier, healthier life. I love seeing positive things on FB and getting invited to cool things, but my stress levels, creativity and personal goals are more important. 

After these 3 things - adios! 

2. Less time to watch TV. Maybe if I turn on the TV less.......I'd click on the FB app less :) But really TV makes me cry or fall asleep. When watching the news I cry when I'm angry/frustrated, sad and happy. Maybe it's therapy - I'm associating my life to all the crap going on in the world. Kinda doubt it. So, take out the news and then there's maybe 3 shows I truly care about, the others I am only watching because I figure, I'm tired and have a few minutes to chill (30 or more). And TV used to keep me company. Explain to me how that really makes sense? 

3. Guess what only takes 10, 30 or 60 minutes, if I'd like. No - not watching Dr. Phil or Bachelor in Paradise. Mindfulness and deep breathing or a SIESTA. And it feels amazing. So, I'm making an effort to make this a habit. Cleaning 1 section of my house takes an hour or less too! Go, Me! 

4. Sleeping better. It's been a genetically proven fact it's rare for me to go to bed willingly before 10pm. So, going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time probably will never happen as long as I'm apart of a bureaucratic full time job. But saying something nice to myself or envisioning the future I truly want right before bed makes me feel better. And during the day I have been saying over and over and over..........the small stuff and the negativity just doesn't matter. I sleep sounder even if I'm only on the pillow for 6 or 7 hours. And despite the experts and research I still play catch up on the weekends. To me, productivity doesn't exist before 8am. I actually tried changing who I am and what my body needs and that only lasted half a week. Maybe I should work somewhere second shift?

5. With that being said.......I'm trying to move my ass in the morning. For a week I was getting to work an 30-hour earlier than necessary. By week 2 I've only been getting to work 20 minutes early. I will admit, some days are faster than others. I've noticed 20 minutes in the morning truly does make a difference though. I have some silence and a refreshed body. 

6. Stop that stinkin' thinking. If something I see or hear bugs me I force it to roll off my back. If I want to say something negative - I try hard to think about what I need to verbalize what it is. If I have a happy thought - I try to expand on it. I write it down, share it in words or through a picture. We are what we eat. And we are what we say and do! 

I prefer to be healthy, happy, calm and have an open mind. Can my Pepsi be that dose of pure naughty-ness?  I'll even cut way back on Halloween Candy...just to keep Pepsi!

7. Unassertiveness. How important is it for me to keep others happy? Really important! So important I'll make my mind and body work extra hard. It's the care taker in me.....or is it?! This one is a work in progress! 

Is My Mind and Body In Sync?

Tonight I was driving home from yoga class and the warm air and sunset were just beautiful. The drove on the back country roads and probably the yoga practice gave me the chance to really listen to my inner voice. I love it when this occurs!

I kept hearing I want more adventure.......but, I hold myself back with excuses. I am happiest when_________ .  I have outgrown ________________(multiple things).  And it's a blessing that I have outgrown these things because change will occur and growth will happen.

And the conclusion was sometimes my brain and soul move at double speed over my body.

It continues to be a journey to feed my brain and soul and nurture my body.  If I were to get them in sync it would feel magical.

My IEP plan continues

My Strengths: Good sense of humor/quick wit; supportive family member; good friend; active, loves to travel,bike ride and try new things; attends weekly yoga class; homeowner; strong awareness of finances; enjoys learning new things, meeting new people and getting the most out of life and is good at my current job as an OT. I have a strong interest in health and wellness.

Problem Areas (PLAAFP):
1.  Trips and can potentially have a fall that leads to injury every millionth step; when tired it's every 500,000 steps.

2. When sad or mad speech slurs. Energy level also effects speech.

3. Has decreased ability to use a lateral key pinch which lead to several broken car keys ignition. All the locksmith's in town know of her!

4. Has increased muscle tone which cause spasms throughout the day and if stressed at night. This can cause sleep disturbances.

5.  At risk for injuries to joints/muscles/soft tissues. History of carpal tunnel, tense trigger points and bursitis in shoulder.

6. Right eye muscles have stopped working which increases fatigue and distractibility.

7. Easily distracted, especially when tired.  

8. Often feels overstimulated which leads to aggravation.

9. Wants to work hard and fit in everything life has to offer. But when fatigued distractions take over, procrastination occurs and there is an increase in stress.

Adverse Impact: Having a routine with appropriate amounts of sleep and rest will increase my productivity and decrease my stress levels. By having decreased stress the symptoms of CP will decrease.

Personal Integrity = a routine

The past couple of days it has felt like I am past the initial shock of what it's like to work. Day trips are completed for another summer, zillions of meetings are planned and on a priority list I have set for myself. I like my schedule this year. I'm just working my way towards completing the priority list. I think part of this plan will be starting work earlier each day.  And I will remember filling out an IEP a day, keeps the stress away.  I've also come to realize, my smarts, imagination, love for OT exists, so why not be a fieldwork educator to all of these young students and have them physically help me execute my smarts, imagination and love for our profession.  I have an OTA student who is 3 weeks into her fieldwork and raring to go.  So, the next 5 weeks is just about helping her gain independence with the little students we share. I just have to execute and take action with the paperwork while she works on her confidence during therapy with the kids. 

I have been working really hard to keep a routine and limit the distractions that effect this. As I know routines are important, but sometimes I get stuck. A routine seems unnecessary at 6:30pm when I'm watching the news and playing on my phone & it's now 7:30. And I think about how unfair it is that it's darker sooner and I had to give up my bike ride and I should clean........something (it doesn't matter what, but it's unfair I couldn't). Isn't it just easier to complain how much time I don't have? Isn't it unfair to have a routine after I have worked all day? 

This could have been my scenario tonight. But this afternoon when I knew I was heading home, alone to my Hut........I reminded myself there's just a lot of "stuff" on your agenda......keep going! And it worked. My head will be on the pillow by 10:30pm and I got so much done. 

If we don't take care of ourselves.......we're lacking personal integrity. 

When I heard this about a week ago I realized, if I don't have personal integrity, I can't tell my supervisor, or new friend or future partner..........yes, I'm a person with integrity. That has made me think twice while reviewing some of the changes I could make for myself. 

Being a person with integrity just sounds really cool, worldly, successful! 

So, ok! I'll go with it.

Accommodations or No Accommodations...that is the question

I've been gathering all of these moments from my past lately to understand what the present is going to look like for me. It's part of understanding myself.

1. At age 8 I didn't really like going to the camp for kids with physical disabilities just so I could fit in. By age 10, in 5th grade I was helping the staff get the PPI kids off from the bus every morning. My mom limited the amount of activities I was in after school and I was rarely awake after 8:30pm.

2. At 13 I remember silently telling myself, since you have CP everything else in your life must be perfect. And at this age I ignored that silly IEP......thankfully the special ed teacher consultant was in several buildings, so he wouldn't bother me or cramp my style. Even though I didn't have a note taker, a word processor to type on or take the extended amounts of time to get to class, I really, REALLY needed a padlock on my locker that I couldn't open. After so much practice, I could never open a combination lock. My friends rotated who my locker partner was and it was never discussed further.

3. In high school, sometimes I had a laptop. Most of the time I had a laptop that wasn't working well, so it was very unreliable. College prep courses in the middle of 10th grade changed this. If I didn't have a working laptop that turned on and charged when I needed to take notes, I would have failed. So, I used a laptop which was different than my peers.

4. During senior year of high school, my mom got the ball rolling for services through MRS and I wasn't going to go...because college would be so easy on my own. Somehow, she got me to go. And now I realize, without MRS, I wouldn't have made it through college. I drove for 2 years without a disabled parking sticker. Then, when I headed to LCC in the downtown area where parking was uncertain and limited. I got the sticker I qualify for only to use on campus. And now, I use it 90% of the time. I call it my valet parking!

5. In college while at LCC I took my own notes on my laptop. I wanted to work, go out on the weekends and move out on my own. I soon realized that if I did work, it had to be limited. In fact, when I did request reasonable accommodation I very passively handed my supervisor a doctor's note that I had to sit while taking movie theater tickets. My supervisor said, this doctor's note isn't even necessary, of course we will get you a chair. As I moved onto the OT program at Baker, I stopped working. It took counseling to realize, earning a degree was my job. I'd go to classes 8-10 hours 2x a week and study/rest the remainder of the week. It worked! It worked very well.

6. During my first OT job requesting reasonable accommodation (that I probably didn't even need) was an epic fail.

It has been suggested to me recently that I do request reasonable accommodation for my current job. I'm so not excited about this. I've started writing down what I would need to feel alert and successful at my job. What I've begun to realize is....there are so many things that I am NOT doing for myself.

The word "reasonable" keeps swarming in my mind. What is "reasonable" for an educator? All of us put in so much emotional and mental effort.....along with physical effort to "give" and "care" for vulnerable students. While we're giving and caring for our students we're certainly not going to stop bending over backwards for our coworkers and loved ones in our personal lives....we would not be in education if this was the case.

Rather than requesting accommodations that are reasonable (my guess is, I'd probably ignore them)...why not begin the journey to take care of myself?

What would happen if:

I went to bed on time?

If I used all of my personal days that I'm given? And I didn't even check email on these days? If I didn't bring work home on weekends and/or snow days?
   ****Last year, I did paper work on Christmas Eve/Day, just so I didn't have to think about it the           remainder of my "break."
   ****I have NEVER used all of my personal days. And usually I stay plugged in, even if it's a sick      day.
   ****The majority of my colleagues who retire give their unused sick time to a time bank for other      union members........what if someday, I didn't have that much to give.

If I worked at finding a quiet place to work when I had down time while on the job?

If I kept an open dialogue with my supervisor about weeks that I worked over 40 hours and then we could discuss potential flex time.

If I hired a cleaning lady?

If I found an alternative to grocery shopping?

If I decreased the amount of time on Facebook?

If I changed my ultra clean/strict grooming habits?

I will be honest, I've made an excuse not to follow through with all of these things...and I keep chugging along in a vicious cycle where I'm too overstimulated to be happy, joyful and passionate.

I should just keep in mind that by doing any of these things I'm being different and unique in my own glorious way. Perhaps, the perfection that I've been seeking since age 13 is enjoying the quiet and calm where I can hear my own inner voice and enjoy love and laughter!