Tick, tick, boom...reset.

The way I see it the past 9 years of my life, my curve was flattened. I learned how to enjoy solitude and had a well established routine. At times it felt so comfortable, it was boring! This is a wonderful place to be, not a lot of stress or drama, a secure and solid job and lots of people in my life that really care about me. It’s been a time for fun and trying new things but I never had to push myself too far because I was incredibly content! I knew I was too young to never have anymore significant changes or experiences. However, I am not a person to force significant changes upon myself.

Tick, tick...BOOM! For most Americans, I think life will forever be changed. First off, all of our priorities changed. Shopping for spring break outfits and March madness parties were dropped instantly. New priorities were established. Will I stay healthy? Will my loved ones? As a professional what is my job right now? Like everyone else in the world, my life had a lot of drastic changes within 24 hours in mid Mid March. These priorities might not change for months? I still feel very uncertain about the health of people around me. I get through this by being cautious, enjoying them and realizing my control issues aren’t going to help anyone. God absolutely has some bigger plans right now.

In the smaller scheme of things the way I entertain myself is flipped all out of sorts. I’m okay with this because I’ve completed my marathon of solitude already. I just have put it into over drive. I use a routine and my hobbies and I know there are people out there that want to chat and interact with me. I cycle through them. I’m finding moments when I can daydream and reminisce and that makes me happy! I hate leaving my house or yard actually. Times have certainly changed. It’s a good thing my house is practically a Siesta Hut! A Spa for me...and if I could work here too, I’d probably be happier than I ever would have imagined. Probably in the weeks to come this will gradually get harder.

The past 2.5 weeks (who’s counting), I feel like I’m free falling down the curve. It feels scary to witness the world I live in, unravel. I want to be able to control things that I can’t. I don’t understand why it’s taking everyone so long to get us out of this mess. The news literally makes my stomach spin, so I can’t watch.

I notice myself doing everything I can to try and be helpful to anyone and everyone but I’m a total wreck on the inside. I’m too distracted to get bored, take a nap or to binge watch Netflix. My people are helping. I can still laugh and have meaningful conversations. Physical activities help even if it’s sitting and doing a puzzle. This Siesta Hut will never be cleaner. Actually, for the most part I’m fixated on anything my skin or hands touch. Laundry, anything that can fit in the washer has been washed. Counters, keys, remotes...really clean. Today I finally vacuumed because cat hair doesn’t hurt people. I feel like better hygiene is the first major change in my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever go without wiping down keys and my packages again....especially if we’re 18 months away from a vaccine.

Yes, 18 months. I’ve read about the length of time it takes to get a vaccine ready for the public. I feel like the beginning of this time will be full of stress, grief, sorrow and a lot of unknowns. In the middle I’ll be able to start feeling like I’m climbing to the top of the curve, along with the people around me. Before a vaccine provides relief I have hopes that life is calmer for everyone & love and gratitude prevails for the majority of us! But until then it’s time to buckle up for the remainder of the free fall.