That's what it's all about?!

This is the continuation of what I learned from painting the 2 rooms in my house.

First off, I thought without a guy or a strong helper I couldn't accomplish things like this in my home. Yes, I know I could pay someone for all the tough stuff. Is that how any of us want to spend our hard earned money? So, I went through a lot of self talk. My initial thoughts were "Someday when I find a strong helper......this is what I would do different to my house." This summer while painting a bookshelf is when I decided that thought process had to change.  What am I waiting for? If I want something do I need a prince charming. NO! So, as I finished the bookshelf I convinced myself......I can for sure paint walls other than the trim. The rest began to fall into place.

My cousin explained she wanted a break from everything.......her child, husband, job. Even if it was just for a night. I knew I could help her out with this. Anywhere and basically anytime she wanted to go, I'd be her companion. As we were talking over dinner she said, "I will come paint with you, I love to do trim." I asked her if she was certain? She was and it worked out pretty well aside from the fact that my painting project turned out to be 3-4 weeks longer than a weekend! As I was talking to another friend, she also said she enjoyed painting and would help out. I also had to ask for help to move large furniture away from the walls. I asked the neighbor guys which I only try to do once or twice a year. It takes a lot of convincing in my mind to allow friends to help me out. I truly want to know I am capable and don't want to inconvenience anyone.  I just keep telling myself this is apart of friendship and give and take that comes along with any relationship. They will all need me to help out or follow through with the good things I can offer to the friendship.

So, I learned that even though I'm "alone", I'm not alone. This was a pretty cool feeling to have. I totally worked slower as I was talking to my buddies/helpers. My cousin and I had hours to catch up on talking about every subject possible. We rarely stopped talking and covered all basis which felt good for both of us. My friend and I also had time to chat and many times we were interrupted by her cute/lively son who enjoyed sucking up cat hair with a large lint brush roller from my floor and furniture for hours. Having buddies come over and help make home improvements actually made my house feel like a home!

Since painting was a learning curve for me, it took me much longer than I thought it would. I also added on 2 pieces of furniture into the mix. I really enjoyed having a project on the weekends and after work to go to. Other than my job, I was doing something with purpose and I really liked this. I was on Facebook and Netflix a lot less and that's important to me.

I began to realize, this is my 30s. You see, without a big wedding to plan, adjusting to marriage, pregnancies or little scrubbers wandering around.....it's felt like, what's up with my 30s?  I don't regret not having what I don't have but for the vast majority of people these are the things occupying their time in their 30s. Without regrets, I've still gone through phases where I wonder what my purpose in life is? Should I run a business? Become a writer? What are my next set of goals?

Lately, I have noticed these feelings starting to slip away. My life is full and busy with so many little things. I probably won't run a successful business and I will probably only write for my own pleasure (stress relief). But all of that is beginning to matter less and less because I have been living my life as it comes each day. I've been learning lessons. It's okay to ask for help, even if it isn't a true emergency. Household projects take time and actually create memories. I also shouldn't really be waiting for the big strong guy, life is too short.

Being in my 30s without a partner or kids to raise? I never really predicted being here. But I am! I do think it's important to have goals and I have some that I would like to accomplish within the next year or 2 but sometimes life is what happens when I am knee deep in paint! I wouldn't really change it for anything!

We're a cool Duo

Hello cerebral palsy! We’ve been together since the beginning which too many seems like a tragedy. The physical delays or actual losses, getting picked on, misunderstood because my speech is affected, being a minority, learning difficulties, aches and pains. You are the easiest thing to blame every challenge or misfortune I have on. But that’s not fair because everyone struggles and has things they want to change about themselves. 

I will say, you have taught me to never give up regardless of how big the obstacle is. You are there to remind me to always be compassionate and empathetic (not sympathetic towards others). You allow me to appear soft and vulnerable on the outside but hard & unbreakable on the inside. You have taught me patience, resilience and resourcefulness. By making a decision to have a good relationship with you and live full each day...I somehow inspire others just by minding my own business and putting up with you 💗so I suppose we’re a pretty cool duo...”you and me!”

Gratitude Challenge

I am doing a 21 day gratitude challenge which will hopefully increase my blogging! Today I am using the alphabet to encourage the thoughts of what I am grateful for:

A: Artichokes - I don't know why I like them
B: Babies - I love having fun with and getting to know other people's babies
C: Chromebook at work - its much lighter weight than my laptop
D: Dad - he is the best
E: Epsom salts - have helped my aches and pains
F: Friends - life long friends, acquaintances and everyone in between
G: Grand Haven
H: Home - It is in fact becoming a Siesta Hut, so relaxing!
I: Iris - the flower that reminds me of my dad
J: Job - to enjoy my home, friends and travel
K: Kindness from others
L: Lake Michigan
M: Massages
N: Netflix
O: Organization - it does make my life easier
P: Piper - my quiet reserved cat also known as my shadow
Q: Quality time spent with people I love the most
R: Remembering good times from the past
S: Summer vacation
T: Travel
U: Ultra soft clothes to dress in
V: Vivid colors to decorate my house and to dress in
W: Writing - a way to make sense of life
X: X-ray's - so I can stay healthy
Y: Yoga - has made me physically healthier
Z: Zoey - my cat that has so much zest for life

Home Make over...Pintrest is mean.

I don't take new experiences for granted, so I have to share my experiences on painting just 1-2 rooms. Even though I had stained a deck and painted furniture, I was in fact a rookie.

Pintrest is mean because it misleads anyone into thinking DYI projects are really easy and you end up spending more money than originally intended!

I remember writing a blog post in the summer of 2016 about how I would NEVER be staining a deck by myself again. Somehow, my naive ways struck me. Painting a master bedroom and bathroom will be way easier than staining a deck. I love home ownership and have no regrets but it is work or incredibly expensive. Or both. I won't lie to anyone thinking about it.

I learned the physical components of painting (which I will share in this post). I also had some realizations which sparked some personal growth which will probably be better in a separate post.

How hard is it to pick paint colors? Actually, with how things will look visually I am pretty decisive so this wasn't too bad. Blues and maybe in the bathroom green(ish)/blue. Colors that were beachy but not brown. I did however worry about my bedroom being too blue. My curtain, bedspread, pictures and a couple of shelves were blue already. I did not like bright greens or even calmer greens for my bathroom from the start, so I went with a blue that had more aqua/teal in it from the choices I had for my bedroom. In the bedroom, I really liked a bright blue......but I knew that was going to be way too much for all the walls. My indecision began. I had no idea what I truly wanted for my entire bedroom. This was why I picked one neutral color for my entire house 6 years ago.

My cousin was going to help me paint. She had recently done an ombre painting technique in her daughter's bedroom and it turned out pretty cool. This would allow me to use my awesome bright blue with the majority of the room being a lighter blue. With the help of Pintrest I got pretty carried away about this and my over zealous ideas were a fail! After painting 2 walls with the ombre technique, I was then able to decide I wanted 1 accent wall with the bright blue and then the rest of the room would be a lighter blue. Decision was made even though I had to paint over some sections of the 2 walls.

I realized from the start trimming would be hard for me. My cousin and a good friend were able to help. However, my impatience and independent nature caused a few mishaps as I was painting each wall the actual color I wanted it. So, I learned about paint rollers and naps. Specifically, dried out naps. Dried out naps do not spread fresh paint when you are trying to cover coats of paint on your walls. Dried out naps also are difficult to slide off the roller when you leave them overnight. I carelessly did not pay attention to this because I had paint brushes😏Hours and hours of painting with a paint brush on 2 large bedroom walls, I look at both walls in the light. I am thinking that these strokes on the wall look really bad! So, I received my paint roller and nap lesson and in the end a large paint roller that is clean does the job so much better.  It was only 6 hours lost and a few minutes of feeling naive and kind of dumb.

I also realized that trimming a room like this takes someone who has painted before 7 hours!! I couldn't believe it. Suddenly slapping on stain on an outside deck seemed easier.

Do not believe for a second I didn't try some trimming. In my bathroom there are spots in between my mirror, doorway and vanity that are about 2 inches. My cousin had said, we'll just go back to Lowes and but the smallest brush we can find. Impatience and independence snuck right in and I did this myself. It doesn't look too bad but it took about 4-6 hours to do this and touch up my white trim around doors/baseboards. I also need to mention 5 of these 6 hours were on my knees, which felt very, very painful!

As I was touching up baseboards and trimming on week 3 of my bedroom being torn apart, I grew disappointed in my bedroom furniture even though I loved my walls. How could this be? Why has the Feng Shui bug hit me. Back on Pintrest I went 😏Painting wooden antique furniture. It's possible. My room is in disarray now so the quest must continue. Could my wrists handle sanding? Would the primer smell cause brain damage to my cats and to me? I am going to do this on carpet and near my bedding?

The worst situation was using an old tarp my dad had given me from his garage. He had used it for other painting projects and it's probably 50 years old. My neighbors came over and put the pieces of furniture on this tarp. It was dirty and smelled like mildew 😓. I kept thinking it would air out. I need a tarp under this furniture. It lasted 1 1/2 days and one Tuesday morning I woke up and lifted the furniture corner by corner to move the tarp out of my room. It took 30 minutes and I threw it in the garage while still in my PJs. I used an old shower curtain liner I had from my house.

I learned about liquid sander and the primer smell wasn't too bad. Half way through week 4 I brought a chair into the working area to sit on while I was painting. My hips and knees have been so angry at me. I estimated 18 hours if I was going to do the 3 pieces of furniture. I only did 2 pieces of furniture and it probably took me 9 hours.

It's done and I really love my bedroom and bathroom! I do appreciate all of the Pintrest ideas and helping me believe my home can actually be beautiful. I have also looked up how to make words out of those LED light I bought, back splashes for kitchens and teracotta accent walls for my kitchen/living room 😂 which is about 2-3 household projects away.

Stay tuned for more lessons this project taught me. 

Little Reminders

I have taken a break from writing and in many ways my Siesta Hut rampage. Someone summer said "Well it's all there for when you need it." Thank goodness! 

I believe in taking take of myself and having reassurance that my nursing home stories are good ones! Never ever do I want to say "I hated my job for 30 years and Netflix was my saving grace." But I'm alright with saying I blogged my perspective on how to cope with the ups and downs in life for years and it touched many people.

I could write a long list of bureaucratic annoyances this week. My job, is in fact "a job." A sprained wrist from tripping and falling 3 weeks ago is a "sprained wrist." Bills are "bills."  However, I am not making any rash decisions to change my circumstances otherwise, therefore I have absolutely no reason to complain.

Yes, my job falls under the category of a sprained wrist and bills. It could much so much worse (a broken wrist) and it is the backbone to my stability (who doesn't pay bills and have responsibilities).

A few very important thoughts popped into my mind tonight:
1.) It's not the circumstances or challenges we are given it's how we handle ourselves in these situations. I can be negative or positive with what lands in my life.
2.) If I am being negative over and over.....why am I not doing anything to change the situation I am in?
3.) Truthfully with my job, if I put in my best effort for 7-10 hours 5 days a week, there is nothing wrong that will still matter in 1 month, 6 months or a year. This should be considered a blessing. I witness myself and others "sweating the small stuff too much!"
3.) The past couple of years I have brainstormed the things that would make me the happiest...taking action and following through is the hardest part. I like being organized to the point where rushing is rare. And it's okay to take a personal day quarterly just because - there's research to prove this.
4.) Young, eager, motivated college students are amazing! They pump some of that energy into me!
4.) My career is helping others to "live life to it's fullest!"  This may not only be in writing IEP goals or even becoming a business owner......it's how I present myself each and everyday towards life's bureaucracies, challenges and mishaps.

Basically, I'm your gal to turn that frown upside down. Just chill and ask yourself's....what are your stories in the nursing homes going to be about?!

Routine versus Adventure

The foundation of Occupational Therapy discusses how important it is for individuals to establish and maintain a routine to lead the fullest life possible. The past couple of weeks I have been easing back into a busier routine I will have during the school year. Over the summer I set up a more laid back routine while I was not working. I pretty much knew when I would sleep, eat, take bike rides, run errands, get things done around the house, etc. To me, routines are safe and important. They are necessary to complete tasks and stay healthy.

However, this summer when I was able to mix things up a bit I realized the importance of adventure and change. Adventures in life are the moments that provide us with memories and the opportunity to experience new ways of living. When we stretch our boundaries and comfort zone bursts of growth jolt through us.

This summer I was probably able to relax more than I should have. I was also able to do yoga and spend time with people I care about. I feel like my personal strength continues to expand and along with that is understanding who I am and what I need to be happy. One of the coolest realizations I have each summer is the fact that I require adventure to feel happy and well balanced. This is a time when my work routine slows down enough so I feel like I have enough room in my life for "more!" Usually I address this feeling on a very small scale even though the bigger leap I take, the better I feel before and after the experience. The anticipation of planning a trip or something new and different and then reflecting back on it is almost better than the experience itself! So, I made an effort to plan trips to touristy spots and take bike rides in different places. The more new things I see and the more active I was, the better I felt!

It's almost as if, doing something new and different each day should be apart of my routine!

NYC...Surreal but very alluring!

Times Square

My trip to New York City two weeks ago was everything I thought it would be. Rather than a vacation, I am going to call it a trip full of adventure. There was nothing really relaxing about this getaway but I LOVED it!

Preparing for this trip, I did ask myself......why do I want to go to this really big city, this place with crowds of people, cement and humidity?  I was going to walk A LOT and spend a wad of cash to eat and be a tourist.  I have been a tourist with a fanny pack around my waist several places. Why was NYC one of the top places on my list?

I think it just might have been my way of getting an adrenaline fix for this month or maybe even the summer!  Other than a pure adrenaline rush, the best way I can describe this entire city is, surreal.

The High Line Walk 

Adrenaline. After packing lots of ibuprofen, tylenol, a heating pad, a fanny pack and suitcase full of nuts and popcorn and three of the most comfortable shoes I had (and money and clothes of course)...I was on my way. Adrenaline (excitement mixed in with some anxiety) kept me awake for the first 2 nights of my 5 night trip.  I was ready to experience what this city had to offer me except for my lack of sleep.

My friends and I arrived when there was a 101 heat index and predicted storms the first afternoon we were there. The humidity and rather terrifying taxi drive to the hotel did not shock me. It's what I had imagined. I just couldn't believe this was going to be the next 4 days of my life! Also, why does anyone drive in NYC?? It's surreal and I'm allured to hear anyone justify why driving there is a good idea. I'd rather move away - to Pennsylvania or anywhere with safer driving conditions.

Gradually, I eased into the heat, the movement of the crowds on the sidewalk to arrive at my brother's building, Bloomberg on Lexington Avenue. My brother works in Manhattan - full time. Like on "Mad Men." I don't know if I really grasp this notion, still, even though he gave my friends and I a tour of Bloomberg and showed me his desk on the 26th floor. It's almost like he was on an adventure too and met us there for a day. But that's his life now, every day.  There was a thunderstorm after we had lunch with my brother.  So, the anxious barrier of walking and taking a tour in the heat and humidity left my thoughts. The humidity broke and we had a beautiful week to be in the city and walk around.

My view from our hotel room, for when I couldn't sleep

9/11 Memorial 

Speaking of walking  around.   According to my Health App on my iPhone I walked on average 8 miles a day except for day 2 when I walked 11.4 miles. I was certain I was going to collapse! But since I was running on adrenaline and this was all a surreal experience, I made it!!  I truly enjoyed everything I was seeing along the way. Sometimes, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, which is no surprise. I saw every type of person imaginable except for cowboys! Naked cowboy whom I've read about was MIA from Times Square the 2 evenings I walked through. I sat on a lot of benches as often as possible and also stretched as often as possible. Standing still during a tour of the Ellis Island hospital on day 3 was actually harder on my legs than walking. The best 2 miles that I was hesitant to complete was the walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. On the last day my feet were more than happy to pedal a bike thru Central Park rather than walk until I approached the great hill. I'm not sure if that was added in there on purpose or if they flattened the rest of Manhattan but it was probably my most un-welcomed surprise.

Central Park 

When scoping out the 9/11 Museum and the World Trade Center area, the word surreal entered my mind again. As I walked up, thousands of tourists were walking around as if we were in Disney World. I wanted to give my respect and begin to understand what that horrific day must have been like. While in the museum I saw a woman's pair of high heel shoes with blood on them. The description explained this woman ran from the towers to the ferry to cross over to New Jersey. This was a part of her daily commute. She made it to the ferry and headed home. When she looked down her feet were blistered and bloody from running in her heels through the streets of the city. I thought of my effort to wear comfy shoes and mindfully stretch. I also thought of the many professional women I saw that week in their professional work attire wearing their comfy shoes to complete their commute to work. For a few brief moments in my mind, I paid my tribute to the horror everyone in this surreal, alluring city went through on that day. It was becoming more of a reality and those shoes in that museum are something I'll never forget.

We also took a tour of the Ellis Island Hospital and walked around the main gathering room in the building where immigrants were first inspected to enter or not enter our country.  I'm still allured by the fact of how huge of a port NYC was for immigration and still is.

I returned to the mid-west with bruises on my legs and sinus congestion. I never will know if the sinus congestion was from the smog and other allergens or touching too many handrails in public areas. But it had been years since I had been that congested. As for the bruises on my legs? Who knows....it was me against the city that never sleeps! Once I arrived at my Siesta Hut in Mason - I slept for 4 days (10-12 hours at night) and naps during the day.

I knew New York City was big, the center of American Culture and has the biggest variety of people clumped into a tiny space but experiencing it all was very well worth it!

Long Live Summer!

My Lake

So far summer has been full of relaxation, beaches, bike rides and babies!

I have been drinking lots of water, eating lots of fruits and vegetables and doing as much yoga as possible (sometimes twice a day).  My neck, back shoulder pain have stayed minimal. I account this for the effort I am putting into my body. Sometimes, this is hard because it's not something I want to do. But overall looking at the big picture, I'm glad I've made the effort.

County Park in St. Joe

I have been able to keep my house clean enough to my standards and have done a couple of household projects that I think about doing during the school year but never get done. The flowers in my yard have never looked better!

I was able to enjoy beach time in St. Joe, MI with great friends. I know so much more about the northern half of the small cities along Lake MI, so it was great to spend time along the southern half of my Lake! I also enjoyed a day of jet skiing, friends and a summer picnic with them. I feel like I have gotten spoiled because all of these outings have been during non-holiday week days when nobody else is around! These were truly enjoyable days!!

I have always been hesitant to branch off and take bike rides out of my neighborhood when I am alone. I worry it's not safe and I also have a decrease to let my mind wander when I bike ride on unknown paths. I think when I hesitate about something, it's important to give myself a nudge and get out there and face the fear or anxiety to at least try.  These bike rides are just a teanie tiny way of me doing that! I have been getting myself out there and checking out local bike paths and just enjoying the beautiful summer days! Some of the sites have been really pretty!

Sycamore Creek in Mason

Baby Life Long Friend! 

Two of my friends are experiencing some form of motherhood for the first time.  One of these friends bought a miniature golden doodle who is the most photogenic pet I have ever seen! Some friends and I threw her a puppy shower one evening :) My friend I have had around the longest has become a mommy to a human child - a little boy! So, it's safe to say that Auntie Kim has struck again! What a fun way to spend sometime off from work :)

Turning the bad into the good!

I keep writing and saying........I get really, really excited about the simple things that many people take for granted. I have no doubt this is because I have extra hurdles and challenges due to CP.

I am not the only one who feels this way! Check out this little girl and her excitement for one of the millions of accomplishments she will have! Such a little star!  I hope she realizes the sky is the limit. One of her greatest gifts will be to spread her enthusiasm and happiness to others around her!

https://www.facebook.com/SharingIsCaringNewsner/videos/423716898135818/UzpfSTIxMTIwMjUyNToxMDEwMDk1MjYzNTQyNDg4Mw/

Where do I fit in? Is my outer shell all that matters?

As for the medical community and government purposes I am in a minority group. I am disabled. Sweet! Bring on the cool parking spaces and free passes to National Parks.

To my friends and family??!! I'm non-disabled. I am self sufficient, smart. I am relied and depended upon for various reasons. When asked to cut the meat or vegetables or multi-task.....I'm like........do you have any idea what you just requested?

I feel like myself when the disability is forgotten. And when I mention it, the other person relates to me by describing their annoying hang nail.

To society and in my social life?? I guess this is where it's just weird and confusing. I am able to create my own "norm" and ignore ignorance that really just isn't necessary. This is cool and fun but it hasn't always been that way for me.

When I was a child it seemed easiest to fix my social awkwardness by sending me to camps or groups of kids with physical disabilities. Once in 6th grade teachers attempted a peer to peer situation for me which humiliated me! It all would have worked out better if they would have addressed my highly sensitive and empathetic nature.

Sometimes when sales people or professionals over the phone hear me speak they assume I am not smart. They assume they can take advantage of me or I can't understand what is happening with the transaction.


As an adult working in a professional setting it has been assumed that if I am unsatisfied with my job situation, I have the right to request reasonable accommodations even if I have been performing above and beyond the essential job duties on a daily basis. It's seems that simple but it's not.

When it comes to dating there have been misconceptions of who I actually relate to just because of my outer shell or "annoying hang nail."  This has happened since I started dating. When I was online dating I received emails from men in New York and Indiana just because we had one thing in common - our outer shell.  Just recently I realized these type of assumptions exists when I am not even attempting to date. That's when I realized I will be discriminated against. There will always be innocent, perhaps even kind ignorance that exists just because I am a minority. It feels like when it comes to dating "society" thinks it should be simple for me. Find a guy with CP, so I can have someone I can relate to. Birds of a feather flock together, right? On the flip side it seems kind of scary and complicated for "society" to see me as single, happy and successful.   Maybe with this kind, ignorance these people want a simple fix to complex questions that I rise for them.

As I get older, it's been a good experience to learn how to handle these people and situations. One of my favorite lines has been "Would I date someone with a white car?" I honestly think about people who are different sizes and races than the "norm". I've realized they have experienced the same situations and feelings I have.

 I honestly kind of like being a puzzle that others can't solve! Game on, society!

Summer has Sprung!

New asymmetrical haircut 

It's for sure my favorite time of year. I have been able to fully enjoy it this year.

Zoey and her peony

The end of the school year "finals month" was very busy! A few early morning meetings (earliest starting at 7:15am), mischievous children ready for summer, a search for self determination not to procrastinate on paperwork, and filing that will be waiting for me in mid-August. Still very exhausting and long however, it was the smoothest final month I have ever had since working in the schools. I had a mild shift in my caseload this year and it made all the difference in the world. I have been off from work for a week and a half and it feels as if that place does not exist! Which is a darn good feeling!

Hybrid Peony

The last week and a half I have been able to work on a ginormous knot at the top of my peck muscle(s) on my left side. It has been painful with spasms as I internally rotate or at other random moments of movement. Since I have been able to loosen it up, I feel the pain shifting down my obliques and all I can picture is a knot loosening but not being fully untangled. There is one other knot that continues to exist in the middle of my back. My only theory is these knots are existing because they are the remainder to the spastic trunk I used to have to hold myself upright. Since I have been doing yoga and massages, my back and the rest of the muscles in my body are the loosest they have ever been but the tightness is still going to exist somehow. I did visit my general physician regarding this and she gave me muscle relaxers and a medical script for my massages.  I have only taken the pills once.

In happier news.....I have been enjoying the flowers in my yard and bike rides at sunset! It's essentially "the most wonderful time of the year" for me!  I even was able to meet the youngest baby horse I have ever seen. She is adorable and it was amazing to see such a young horse interact with her mom and the people that love her....way different than playing with kittens and puppies. The flowers and baby horse have been reminders that spring time is a time for new beginnings!

So, here's to the beginning of summer and many adventures!

Baby Jayne

Strength

Last night in the midst of getting ready for bed I had all of my lists running through my head. The busy, busy work list, my financial list, my social list. My anxiety was increasing I started writing some of the stuff down to make a plan.

I wanted to stop so I could sleep. I was even stewing because my gratitude and happiest times seem to stem from my past. I have very little regrets over the past 10 or 20 years and sometimes I really miss the past. The friends I had, the newness of every experience and situation (really strange I miss this, but I do)!

So, I stopped. I stopped thinking about my lists and I stopped thinking about how great my teenage years or 20s were. I told myself before I go to bed, I'm going to decide why my 30s have been great! I remember telling myself before that my 30s have been kind of dull but yet stable.  I decided to stop that kind of self talk and assumption the next 3.5 years were going to make my 30s so much better than what I currently have.

It was quiet as it often is at my house and I listened to myself think about what's better about my life now, than it was at the beginning of my 30s.

STRENGTH.

Strength to let go when needed.
Strength to buy a home and maintain a household independently
Strength to hold a plank for 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
Strength to attempt to calm my mind and mediate.
Strength to attempt to do what's best for my body physically.
Stronger eyes that work together.
Strength to juggle the rat race of work.
Strength to practice my integrity regardless of the relationships I am in.
Realizing that I have always been one of the strongest people in the room. Who would have guessed?

My mindset in my 20s wasn't anywhere near the concept of gaining physical or emotional strength, it's been fun to look for and play with how it makes me feel!

Therefore, I slept like a baby with the idea I am a strong and working towards getting even stronger. Thank you, 30s - you're pretty cool!

Weather Weenies - ALERT!

I've been on Facebook less than 10 minutes today and I've gotten 6 million weather forecasts! Some people have posted about this daily or 2-3 times in a day.

Thank you, Newsfeed. I was unaware.

No, actually. I noticed. I noticed as I looked at the weather apps on my phone, as the radio and morning news on my TV told me about schools 2 hour delays; as I put on my winter coat and opened my garage door and saw accumulation on the roads; as I drove down the dangerous snow and icy roads; and when I pumped gas today and my ears became numb. Especially when my furnace broke down during the ice storm this week.

I'm grumpy, yes. Spring flowers are some of my favorite, happiest things and not to mention my lack of bike rides and spring break travel.

I am however, trying to combat this.  1. Now, I have heat! 2. October of 2017 was well beyond hot and warm, this is Michigan and my expectations are low. 3. I have a schedule of remaining IEPs and reports for the next 6 weeks, this week should technically be my finals week so I can go out and play when Michigan changes it's mind. 4. Facebook Newfeed, doesn't help. I don't want to complain and read about complaints. I want to keep my curtains shut and eat chili for the last time this season.

While taking a deep look into my mood swings and overall happiness weeks and situations like this is a series of "Little Bad Things". I'm not chronically ill, I have money to pay my bills, I have a warm home and so much more!!

I can't sweat the small stuff!!  I just may go over my Pepsi limit. But maybe I can make this a productive evening and week? Especially since I've already thrown a pity party for myself about my mishaps.

I have returned

I started this New Year off with a BANG! I had new way to approach my writing and I just started going with it! Then, like all of the other New Year resolutions, it kind of fizzled out.

Life became hectic, so I put blogging on the back burner. I was also spending my time on new and different ways to put my writing out there. I think looking into options like this is a great idea! I still feel like this writing gig is still only a hobby so spending too much money on it is out of my comfort zone. However, I have been introduced to a website called createspace.com and Kindle Direct Publishing. Which are both ways to self publish a book. Basically, when I have been writing, I have been condensing the blog posts I have already done and editing my own work in Microsoft Word.

I'm still very into listing my 100 happiest, most grateful moments to prove the bad things that happen mean much less. It has been wonderful to do this! It takes away any grouchy edginess I may have! So, mission is actually accomplished - I feel better! Truly, nothing else matters but one of the things I have pride and gratitude in, is sharing my thoughts and my journey.

It looks like in February I left off with reason #18 to be happy. I have listed 70 things! They are in 4 different components of my life. The area that has the largest list is titled "Love Is Big!" It fills my heart to know the people in my life have given me several moments and memories that make me happy and will stick with me for a really long time!! Super cool!

Speaking of happiness and gratitude, here is a really cool link that prove......happiness is the key to health and success.

https://abcn.ws/2pS0N98

#18 I'm apart of a lot of villages!

Ever since I can remember one of my main goals in life was to be a mom. First, I wanted to be a babysitter, then get married and work as an OT and then be a mom. 

I would cook, clean, decorate rooms, read bed time stories, cheer my kids on, pick out great clothes for them and love my kids with all my heart (and of course the list goes on from there)! As a kid, I loved baby dolls, younger kids and I did end up baby sitting in high school. I am one of the first people to start shopping when I find out someone I love is pregnant and I love watching/observing and holding young babies. I used to get goose bumps and feel emotional when I watched all of the kids at school experience their first/last day of school and Halloween Parades.  

Ironically, as time has gone on I've noticed myself skipping the hard stuff about kids. I probably have changed less than 20 diapers in my life and now that I have friends and loved ones with kids, I rarely babysit. 

I've begun to realize, I just like people! It doesn't matter their age or size. I want to know their story and be supportive of them. I love observing them! I like it when we connect and have things in common and when I am able to learn or realize that I am the teacher. I am someone who is there to help them and their families,

In so many ways I am on the outside of many, many close knit villages as the observer. Every so often I enter into these villages and have the opportunity to impact and influence young individuals! 

Rather than focusing on the cooking, cleaning, organizing and loving 1 or 2 little people of my own, I am able to reach out to so many more. I realize with my mind and body I would have to put boundaries and limitations up to give my own kids what they needed. 

With the life I am currently living the birthday parties, zoo trips and the art work I will receive are pretty much endless.

This makes me happy and grateful! 

#17 Last Vice

This winter I've basically been avoiding the cold and the dark, the best that I can!

After work I clean my cat's litter boxes, take a bath/shower and hop in my PJ's. I usually don't even open the curtains. I turn on the news (many days this causes a some stress/disappointment) as I heat up my dinner and complete vision therapy exercises.

Then, as I eat and unwind I binge watch shows to the best of my abilities with as many lights off as possible.  I absolutely love this routine! Many nights I don't make it past binge watching but other nights I will clean up, stretch, write.

It may seem small and simple but showering/bathing in the middle of the day or after work really helps me. The past couple of years I have been known to fall asleep in the tub. By switching things up and doing it this way I actually feel more accomplished. The responsibilities of my evenings are mainly done before I eat dinner. Due to the weather and darkness, it doesn't matter.

It is a complete luxury and guilty pleasure that I am able to land on the couch most evenings. I don't even like waiting a week to watch a show or for commercials anymore. I'm hooked!  But I know I work very hard to have this luxury.

#16 Vices

There are many positive, healthy things that make me happy and will make my life last longer. But then there are the unhealthy things I know I should not be doing!

Wellness experts would say, if you know it's bad for you, make an effort to eliminate these things. I understand but in some ways striving for perfection is exhausting and can cause pressure and stress, right?

Isn't there just 1 or 2 things we should all do that make us "naughty?"

I've never smoked, done drugs or swallowed a Tide Pod. I've been a little mean to my skin with a small tattoo and bad sunburns on purpose. I could probably make it in life to never drink alcohol again. You're welcome my beautiful liver. And even though I don't fully make an effort to diet or give up on cookies, candy, desserts I think I probably could.   I could make an effort to eat more healthy and stick with it. I do this in waves as it is and the longer I stick to healthy foods, the more I like it. 

However, giving up Pepsi just sounds like a completely bad idea to me. Yes, drinking lots of water is important and yes soda is bad for me.

But getting my fix, makes me happy and feels so good!

#15 Flowers!

It's mid January and I so many of the things that make me happiest are during the warmer months. I've learned that re-hashing these memories and moments are making the cold winter days go by faster!

For those of you who knew me when I was younger realize my dad had a beautiful yard full of a wide variety of flowers, bushes, shrubs and trees. He was/is a great landscaper. Mainly, when people think of my dad and flowers, they think of his iris! Gradually he has given this up as he's been aging but he's passed a little dose of it on to me. I have a smaller yard and much less patience and physical stamina but I truly love flowers and landscaping! I have been fortunate enough to have my dad teach me about the care and maintenance of so many different flowers. I doubt my retirement will consist of 8 hour days in my yard but I'm really grateful for what my dad has taught me. In 2013/2014 my dad and I planned 3 main flower beds for my yard.  I've added 1-2 flower beds each summer since then.

My daffodils have a hard time coming up but I can officially say there's about 3 months to wait for tulips!

People of any age or level of function can enjoy the beauty of flowers. Landscaping can be tricky with my physical disability but I haven't let it stop me yet!  I have to be extra careful with positioning my body and completing the physical output it takes to have a beautiful yard.  However, one of my favorite things about landscaping is getting lost in my thoughts while physically moving and having such a pretty result!  It pays off when you work to maintain the hobbies and traditions that truly make you smile!