Always a Buddy!

I’m able to recall the biggest situations that have shaped me so far but there is only one tradition that continues to send sparks into my soul time after time. It’s a place where I have continued to learn about love, friendship, empathy and life. It’s a beautiful setting especially in the summer. My dad grew up in Whitehall and perhaps his earliest memories can sometimes draw me into the soul of this town. However, the week before I turned 12 years old I learned that I could be away from my family and be an individual person and I learned this in my special place.  Perhaps that is why it’s such a special place! I realized I could have friendships and relationships without my parents' influence. This was a wonderful but yet scary feeling when I first felt it. My first week in Whitehall without my immediate family I became homesick however when I returned home I couldn’t wait to go back! Aunt Sandy taught me how to inadvertently become my own person and create these bonds. She has always listened to everything I have to say and I have always felt safe and valued around her. Lori, my cousin Kelly along with other friends are in my life to help me follow through with the things that Aunt Sandy taught me. When I go visit Whitehall I always feel special and valued. 

When I learned that it was okay to fully be myself I was able to experience things differently and have more fun! The beach trips became more appealing and over the years these places that I frequent have become magical places where memories have been created. I have a very sharp memory so sometimes the way a room smells in my Aunt’s house or the way the sunlight hits the leaves on the trees I am instantly taken back to the first few summers I spent in Whitehall as my own person. 

Memorial Day weekend of 2022, I was staying up in a bedroom in my Aunt’s attic and it smelled just like it did when I was 12. One morning when I woke up, I processed that this room had been in my life for decades. There were old photo albums on the shelves with dust. I started to look. I went through an album of my uncle who had passed away when I was 9. Looking through the album was such an interesting perspective because I realized how much I had missed and didn’t understand because he died when I was a kid. I also had noticed how much my Aunt’s house had evolved over the years. The paint and pictures on the wall and the furniture had all changed as some people left the house forever and the rest of us had grown older. I was also able to view their relationship as a woman and not the child I was when I saw them together. Strange feelings rushed through me and I just reminded myself “That’s what grief is….a really strange concept and emotion.” 

Later that day my cousin and I were having the typical afternoon/evening to kick off summer on Memorial Day weekend. We headed to the Eagles to hear Buddy Popps play live music. It looked similar to scenes over the years, many of the same faces were at similar events that I had been to over the past 29 years. Like the bedroom in the attic, this scene had been a part of my life for decades. 

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A week before my 12th birthday Aunt Sandy, her friend Elaine and Elaine’s daughter took me to see the play “Annie” at the Frauenthal in Muskegon. On the way there Elaine explained that we were going to be out late and asked if my parents knew this already. Aunt Sandy explained that it wouldn’t be too late and it was Whitehall after all and Kimmie would stay right with her. Lori asked if I liked Kitty Cocktails and I nodded yes. I wasn’t really sure what they were all talking about but it sounded fun! We arrived to the Gallion (a bar in Whitehall) and these 22-25 year olds kept coming up to us and Aunt Sandy, Lori, and Elaine knew them all. They also knew the guys playing in the band, which I thought was really cool. It was Dana and Darin’s friends Buddy Pops and Tommy Foster. I was drinking my Kitty Cocktail with extra cherries and this guy singing was in the rafters (which was Tommy and not Buddy).

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I remembered that night in 1993 as I sat there with my cousin and her friends. Dana was sitting right behind all of us people watching. We weren’t in the Gallion and Tommy wasn’t there but it was like being in a time warp which was a really wonderful feeling to experience as the sun began to set. On the way back to the car that night my cousin and I ran into Buddy and had a few minutes to talk to him. I heard Buddy play several times over 29 years but had very few interactions with him. I learned some of his story from Aunt Sandy. That night I was able to tell him the story of barely being 12 and watching him play at the Gallion. He replied “I don’t know if I should apologize or give you a hug. The gigs at the Gallion were pretty crazy times!” We giggled together and I said, “Of course give me a hug.” He also told me Aunt Sandy was his hero because she brought Don (my uncle) out of his shell and he remembered how funny my uncle was. As the sunset got more vivid I looked at my cousin and just felt really lucky we both were able to hear that together, especially because of the way I started my morning. Buddy had reinforced that I only had a glimpse of who my uncle was when I was a kid. I had to take time to think about and remember the fact that this was small town stuff. How did Buddy Pops even know that much about my uncle? But it was because his dad grew up with my Uncle Don and lets just face it, everyone knows everyone! I knew it was a moment I’d remember for a long time. It kept my soul shimmering for a couple of weeks. I kept thinking what a good trip up to Whitehall that was. 

Six weeks later Buddy died. Initially I had a few quiet moments of shock and sadness for his loved ones, especially the people I know and care about. I looked around on Facebook and could see Whitehall’s social scene was changed and sad. My aunt and I discussed this a little bit on the phone and she mentioned that Buddy “was such a force.” 

On a quiet summer afternoon about 3 weeks after Buddy had died, I was thinking about him and Whitehall. I popped into my head that I remember the exact dates of the first and last times I saw Buddy. I thought about how bizarre and special it was that I remembered those dates and the last time I saw him play we had a really sweet, kind exchange. I was able to say goodbye to the guy who played “Brown Eyed Girl” at every gig and was in the backdrop of my coming of age story. I cried quite a bit because he should still be here representing everything that Whitehall is in my eyes and because this awesome acquaintance and I had our full circle story! 

As I thought about Buddy I was also able to reinforce my strengths as an individual. I’m an observer who is oddly perceptive about all interactions around me. It makes me different than the rest of the crowd. For awhile I’ve had the belief that I’m receiving equal amounts of happiness, heartache and lessons coming my way a person with a big family, marriage and kids just because of my perceptions and sensitivities. I think my cute, sweet and brief full circle story with Buddy helped reinforce that. As I watch, perceive and process the little moments I’m absorbing it all deeply and savoring it. I also believe a person like Buddy was around to remind me to never let any of that go to waste!