I think I probably looked to my dad first initially for advice/input. And to better describe my up bringing in terms of work ethic I should explain my dad views and expectations of me. He has told me he does not see me as disabled. I'm just someone that sometimes needs extra time, a different way of doing things or possibly some help getting things accomplished every once in awhile. I believe my mom feels the same way on many levels. I have proven to them and everyone else that this is true. Therefore, I have learned I was raised to have it instilled in me that accomplishing a goal or acting a certain way was never unobtainable because I have a few limitations. The way my dad see's it is.........we ALL have limitations and hurdles to face. In the most positive way possible.......I just suck it up! Always have and I probably always will. It would be hard for me to not be one of the hardest working people I know. Is this an actual weakness, who knows....but it's part of who I am & I need to roll with that.
I have to be honest, the past few years at work have not been the most fun. I'm challenged only by the bureaucratic forces of the job. Rather than learning new material and taking a big test or researching....I'm overstimulated by everyone's email, paper trail (no body has gone paperless) and meeting addiction.
I've also learned that I am a say Yes person. I don't like conflict. So, Yes! I can bend over backwards and interrupt the plan I've set for myself, just so this staff person doesn't get annoyed (not angry, just annoyed). I'm also a diplomat, I listen to everyone and naturally relate to them. And as I listen to them, what's not happening? My "to do" list for the day. What's also happening? As they complain about situations......I begin to agree. I guess this is just so I can fit in.
So, I've been going along agreeing that every little thing about my job requires a complaint. And as that has happened I was telling myself that I will have a bigger chunk of time at home where it's quiet to complete my work.
I've grown incredibly resentful towards this way of life. To the point where it's no longer fair to me or my students, or even my colleagues. I'm sure they'd rather have me "Just say no." and be in a better mood, where I'm more organized and helpful.
Yes, I have looked around and brainstormed where else I could work. I love everything about Occupational Therapy. I don't really care for any of the systems we work for. I feel the same about Rehabilitation Counseling. I do need money for house, car, and health insurance & to have some fun and joy in my life!! I know this system and I know myself well enough to pull through as an even better OT than I was 2 years ago.
I've listed a few weaknesses here. And no, I really don't want to roll with it. It's more of a disability than the obvious one. If I don't work to alter these things about myself, the more obvious disability will only continue to rear it's ugly head.
Back to the Old Guy...Two years ago while my dad and I were talking about jobs and working and my attitude, he asked me if as a kid I ever remember him complaining about work. I said no. And truthfully, I thought he really liked his job. He told me that he really hit some rough patches but left it at work. It's taken me 2 years but I now understand the point he was trying to make.
So, the past week I've really been trying to take some of the Old Guy's words of wisdom into consideration. And begin putting some thoughts, belief's and words into action.
There's more to come......assertiveness training and why is it I just don't ask for reasonable accommodation?
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