Vision Therapy Update

As the summer comes to an end I have been able to physically see changes in the effort I am putting towards myself.

I can't say I do a 5 minute plank......

I also still indulge in Pepsi..........even though I am making some excellent food choices lately.

However, I have stuck with all vision therapy exercises. It takes me longer than 15 minutes a day and some of the exercises have been very difficult, especially when it has come to getting my 2 eyes to work together for far away work. My right eye still usually shuts down. It's been shut down or "suppressed" for about 30 years. It will take awhile to wake up. I have a slight regret in adding a prism to my prescription 6 years ago, but we all live and learn. My eyes are working well together for near work. I have been wearing my glasses less this summer.

Today, when I met with the optometrist it was confirmed that I no longer need a prism in my glasses and my prescription for nearsightedness has improved. I will need to get a pair of glasses without the prism to assure my right eye is participating in the exercise process. I still have 6-8 weeks left of therapy and there's no guarantee my prescription won't change again in October when I am done. CHA-CHING! But I am so intrigued to see what the final outcome will be! This is proof that rehab/exercising and dedication towards myself has benefits in the end.

The "old" wise guy!

I am going to spend a couple of posts to describe where I'm at in the world of work. I will say there's minimal amounts of people that can truly relate. I've been seeking guidance and brainstorming ideas. I'm learning about myself daily along the way.

I think I probably looked to my dad first initially for advice/input. And to better describe my up bringing in terms of work ethic I should explain my dad views and expectations of me. He has told me he does not see me as disabled. I'm just someone that sometimes needs extra time, a different way of doing things or possibly some help getting things accomplished every once in awhile. I believe my mom feels the same way on many levels. I have proven to them and everyone else that this is true. Therefore, I have learned I was raised to have it instilled in me that accomplishing a goal or acting a certain way was never unobtainable because I have a few limitations. The way my dad see's it is.........we ALL have limitations and hurdles to face. In the most positive way possible.......I just suck it up! Always have and I probably always will. It would be hard for me to not be one of the hardest working people I know. Is this an actual weakness, who knows....but it's part of who I am & I need to roll with that.

I have to be honest, the past few years at work have not been the most fun. I'm challenged only by the bureaucratic forces of the job. Rather than learning new material and taking a big test or researching....I'm overstimulated by everyone's email, paper trail (no body has gone paperless) and meeting addiction.

I've also learned that I am a say Yes person. I don't like conflict. So, Yes! I can bend over backwards and interrupt the plan I've set for myself, just so this staff person doesn't get annoyed (not angry, just annoyed). I'm also a diplomat, I listen to everyone and naturally relate to them. And as I listen to them, what's not happening? My "to do" list for the day. What's also happening? As they complain about situations......I begin to agree. I guess this is just so I can fit in.

So, I've been going along agreeing that every little thing about my job requires a complaint. And as that has happened I was telling myself that I will have a bigger chunk of time at home where it's quiet to complete my work.

 I've grown incredibly resentful towards this way of life. To the point where it's no longer fair to me or my students, or even my colleagues. I'm sure they'd rather have me "Just say no." and be in a better mood, where I'm more organized and helpful.

Yes, I have looked around and brainstormed where else I could work. I love everything about Occupational Therapy. I don't really care for any of the systems we work for. I feel the same about Rehabilitation Counseling. I do need money for house, car, and health insurance & to have some fun and joy in my life!! I know this system and I know myself well enough to pull through as an even better OT than I was 2 years ago.

I've listed a few weaknesses here. And no, I really don't want to roll with it. It's more of a disability than the obvious one. If I don't work to alter these things about myself, the more obvious disability will only continue to rear it's ugly head.

Back to the Old Guy...Two years ago while my dad and I were talking about jobs and working and my attitude, he asked me if as a kid I ever remember him complaining about work. I said no. And truthfully, I thought he really liked his job. He told me that he really hit some rough patches but left it at work. It's taken me 2 years but I now understand the point he was trying to make.

So, the past week I've really been trying to take some of the Old Guy's words of wisdom into consideration. And begin putting some thoughts, belief's and words into action.

There's more to come......assertiveness training and why is it I just don't ask for reasonable accommodation?

It's Sunday Night

Sorry to confuse those of you that are not educators. It is early afternoon on a Wednesday.
I just woke up at 8:30am and made scrambled eggs with peppers and cheese. I've also been taking my time with getting my day started by hoping on and off social media, morning talk shows, being entertained by my cats and using an ice pack on my shoulder. Life is slow paced however, these days are numbered!

Tomorrow and Friday while it's sunny and in the upper 70s to low 80s, I will attend professional development days at work. I must say, I'm okay with easing back into the craziness of the bureaucratic world. However, there's no doubt - since August 1st I've been waking up to experience Sunday. The last road trip; the last chance to complete household chores; the last visit with people I care for before I'm busy/pre-occupied and my last chance to stay up to 12:30am without feeling the effects. Each day there seems to be an email with some level of importance. Nature is even giving me warning signs that IEP season is just around the corner......it's dark by 9pm.

The thought crosses my mind - the great weather and my birthday represents - the end of summer?

Rather than let the anticipation of the hard work, everyone's addiction to urgent emails and cold dark days I have been working on making the most of my August.

Gratitude and a positive attitude needs to be present in every situation. I've pondered this, written about it and I've begun to practice it. It works :)

Out of the average of 40 weeks that I do work - I'm grateful the first 4 are partial weeks! I will be able to go see the lake and have meals on patios through Labor Day weekend. There's no need to fret.

Hiring a shopper!

I am still on my mission to make life a little easier. I know if I really didn't have my OCD financial goals I could just "hire" people. You know, a cleaning lady, a shopper and someone that does my finger and toe nails on a regular basis. As an adult with cerebral palsy who works full time, all of this makes perfect sense! I deserve to treat myself like royalty......if I knew I could do this without giving up trips and retirement money.....I totally would.

Truthfully, our society is setting us up to never leave our house to shop.

Hiring a shopper?!? Sign me up. I'd rather clean toilets than grocery shop. Really.

I briefly have thought about the ingredients that are delivered to your door to make a fancy meal (for me yes, they're fancy). But then there's chopping and cutting involved......I hate cooking more than grocery shopping! There's more and more - Blue Apron, Hello Fresh, etc. Then, one day I received a coupon in snail mail for chewy.com. And I was intrigued because my furry little friends send me to the grocery store on their behalf quite often. The prices were similar to what I paid to pull it off the shelf and haul it home without the use of mPerks. Because of mPerks, empty pop cans and premade salads at Meijer's deli I hesitated.

But hiring a shopper?!? Hello, Shipt from Mejier where I can use mPerks and it's the store my family has used since, forever.

Not fully excited or comfortable with the idea, I tried it yesterday. And today, I cancelled my year membership. There were a ton of little things that bothered me. I'm sitting here with my $5 off mPerk coupon and empty Pepsi cans - I know - pepsi cans :( :(. I also have about 12 more plastic bags in my house, the wrong milk and no spinach. I was credited twice for the milk. I spent over an hour online yesterday picking out items and basically learning the app and still kind of feel like I wasn't an expert at using it (where's the option to squeeze your fruits)? Then, my shopper was texting and wanting to call me for 15 (+) minutes about the substitutions for items that weren't available. It felt like I sent my husband shopping!! My shopper was beyond sweet and professional but also left someone else's bag with me and had to turn around to come back. I keep mentioning mPerks but at times I feel lazy when I look over coupons. Instead of wasting money by skipping over my coupons, I found myself giving my shopper a tip along with the annual fee I knew I paid.  However, before I was able to cancel I was given a $20 credit and 2 months free. I have no doubt Shipt is going to do everything for customers to make it worth their time and money. But is it for me, when I'm totally comfortable buying a 1/2 gallon of milk for the week at the gas station?

For awhile now I tacking toilet paper onto my Amazon order when I need to reach the cost of free shipping. And so it begins, it's like magic, toilet paper just appears on my doorstep. I do realize lots of other essentials could just start appearing like this.

I am leaning towards getting an Amazon prime membership for non-perishables. And winging it for perishables or truly shopping locally as much as I can.

I'm looking for fast, easy, no hassles. I'm looking for ways to save my energy for things that are the most important to me!

Childhood Perspective

A couple of weeks ago as I looked at some of the things I had written as a teenager, I was reminded of how much I have always enjoyed the little things in life.

These things range from watching the movie Annie, the puppet show Fragle Rock and cartoon Smurfs on lazy Sunday's while I was able to stay in my Pajamas all day as a kid. My parents also always encouraged me to participate, enjoy and try my best in activities where I could become apart of a group of the community. I was apart of various activities such as horseback riding in a 4-H club and bowling on a league. I was a typical tween in the late 80s/early 90s and listened to cassette tapes on my Fisher Price tape recorder with the neighbor girl on my front porch. Learning to ride my bike without training wheels and raking leaves in my Grandma's front yard were also special memories I have.

Even though I had a few select friends in elementary school I wasn't a kid who savored each moment of my elementary school years. Playing on the playground, participating in field day or any other type of elementary activity never thrilled me much. I'm not sure if "cynical" is the correct word to describe myself at age 9 or 10.....just accepting that I wasn't going to be in the "cool" crowd. I was different than everyone else and that's just how it was going to be. So I began to appreciate really simple things in life.  I was never going to be a ballerina, cheerleader or good at jump rope. My hairstyle and clothes were also a little bit different than everyone else's too and I was a giant at this age. The beginning of 6th grade I wore size 10 shoes and in 7th grade I plateaued in my growth and wore the same size of clothes until I was 32 years old.

The fact I had CP was just one of my minor differences. I think at a very young age I was able to blame my awkwardness (being more mature and sensitive than most kids) on my most obvious flaw, my physical disability. Looking back, I probably shouldn't have given the CP so much credit or attention. Little did I know, every single pre-teen feels awkward and acts weird regardless of their clothes or athleticism.

When I entered into middle school I felt as if I got a clean slate. I have never liked change so this wasn't an easy move for me. I hated the first couple of weeks of 6th grade and expressed that to my parents and teachers. It was suggested by my team of teachers that good students, cheerleaders, pretty girls be predisposed to be my friends. The 3rd or 4th week of school these 2 girls started being extra nice to me. They talked to me and invited me to lunch. I had one of them over to my house and I remember we played scrabble. It was nice and kind and according to research or maybe a textbook, this was a great idea. But on the inside I was thinking "What the hell is going on?" I had nothing in common with these girls! As I look back at having been assigned friends, I am bummed that I had to go through this experience but I also don't know what the answer is to help kids at this age succeed socially.

Luck and basically blessings continued to remain on my side. Midway through 6th grade and into 7th grade I met friends that dressed and acted similar to me. These were girls that laughed at goofy things and worked hard on their school work. We had similar interests and family backgrounds and each of us aimed to please others. So, I clutched on to the friendships I had created and had countless slumber parties, bike rides and passed notes back and forth with them throughout middle school/jr. high. The fact that I was absolutely terrible in gym, took notes much slower and ended up on the B honor roll rather than the A honor roll never was really discussed. I had the opportunity to focus on and enjoy the simple things in life at that age rather than my most obvious flaw.

It's cool that from the very beginning I was learning to focus on the things that really mattered in life.