Looking Into The Past

Senior Writing Class

Last week I also took the opportunity to read some of the stories and essay's I had written in high school. I'm really glad I saved some of the things I did!

I was actually looking for one of the first stories I had ever written. It was a big writing project and we had to enter it into a contest when I was in 3rd grade. I wrote about a young girl entering into a horse show and the story was called "Horsin Around." I did not save it but I do have my 4th and 9th grade daily journal from English class. I knew cursive! I also didn't have assisted technology. I can't help but wonder if I where my cursive writing skills would be as a kid in today's world.

Apparently, I like to bike ride! 

Senior year of high school I took a year of writing explorations/senior writing seminar. I decided to look at what I had written to see if anything could be used in my blog and actually an eBook. It was really cool to read what I had written because it reminded me how necessary it is for me to write to vent, plan and reflect. What I had written about were definitely some of my strongest most influential memories. Everything ranging from friendships, special childhood memories, how I overcame my disability to and going to Europe being the experience that entered me into adulthood. I even wrote about what my life would be like 20 years from that date which was February 2019. I was pretty accurate with realizing the daily life of being a school based OT however I do not have tweens named Hunter and Nathalie. It was pretty cool to read some of these things! And yes, it did give me some juice to create an eBook! I haven't read anything I had written during journals in college yet.

Chronic Pain

Over the past couple of days I have been reading other articles on The Mighty written by other adults with CP. There were a few common themes: bullying, over coming obstacles and challenges and the biggest theme was chronic pain.

I write to be positive....I never find myself writing words that are negative or don't show any sign of hope. I believe for me writing is a way to either create an action plan or reflect on the positive things that have happened to me.

With that, I have got to say....chronic pain is very real with aging with cerebral palsy. Currently, it's my neck and shoulder's. I've been hunched over as I sit and walk for about 34-35 years now. My posture for my dumb smart phone is absolutely terrible. My spontaneous decision to increase my strength by extending the amount of time I can do planks individually, without a trainer probably wasn't a wise choice. There's also sleeping positions and use of a shovel for my organization of my flower beds added to the mix. Ouch!

The past couple of weeks have been full of brainstorming and trying different remedies ranging from doing all of my yoga stretches and poses I know for the shoulder and neck area, to the heating pad, to avoiding stomach sleeping to a massage. I've actually given up on quite so much yoga because it's seeming like I've overstretched, pinched or pulled something.

I've felt better since I've been gentle to the area. Until I can get to the chiropractor (with another massage) or maybe even my general physician I am trying to avoid sleeping on my stomach and sore side and doing the bridge yoga pose.

I am going to say Tylenol PM has helped me better than a prescribed muscle relaxer this summer. The prescription also gives me dry mouth which has caused yucky dental side effects. Ice also has not helped, so the pain I'm facing is not inflammation. Not sleeping on my stomach or 1 side is also a challenge. Being in 1 spot for too long causes muscles tension. So I actively switch the position I sleep in 4 times a night.

So, really a portion of my summer has been a party!!

As an OT I am able to brainstorm, attempt remedies and talk with other professionals about the best options when I get stuck in this world of pain. I'm grateful for my expertise and educational background to help me with this personal struggle. However, not every person with CP has this professional experience in their bag of tricks. Even if they are healthy and active; spasticity, inappropriate use/movement of joints and muscles are going to be a major burden for adults with CP. What's fascinating to me is doctors, researchers and other professionals are not putting the information out there in the media to assist adults with cerebral palsy. All of the information the public hears about is for kids with CP. Many times as an adult I have described the issues I face being similar to an individual with an autoimmune disorder even though CP is considered to be non-progressive.

Maybe I am just the person to spread the word!

Just be yourself...the outcome will be great!

As promised there is more to the story about little life long friend, Ryan!

In my car, on our way back to Whitehall Ryan asked what I wanted to be professionally when I was a kid. I explained......I am working at the job I wanted when I was 15 years old. He was intrigued and asked what an Occupational Therapist did. We discussed similar helpers that helped him at school.

Again, this was not the conversation I was expecting to have when Ryan said he wanted to ride with me in my car. But I really wasn't prepared for what we discussed next.

He explained to me there was a classroom in his school for kids that needed help with learning. Then he proceeded to tell me about his really cool friend Dylan. He said everybody loves my friend Dylan, he has more friends than anybody else in school and he has cerebral palsy.

I responded by asking if he knew why I walked and talked differently than everyone else. He very maturely said "Yes, because you have cerebral palsy just like Dylan does." It was just very natural for him. I was thinking.....how did he know all about this? I had forgotten these life long friends of mine needed an explanation of what was up with me and my differences (which is just the reason why they're considered friends for life).

I've always wondered why the kids in my personal life don't have as many questions as the kids I see and work with everyday at school. For many of these kids I have been around since the day they were born, so they just see me as "Kim" (many of them call me Kimmie) and don't know that my motor output should be the same as other adults. As Ryan and I were having our conversation, I began to realize that some of my closest friends have more than likely have answered questions or talked to their kids about why I am "different" than other friends. Which there are no better people to be sensitive about how to explain my CP. These are friends who know me for me first rather than seeing or thinking about my challenges. So, it's only natural that their kids to act the same way.

We veered off topic and discussed bullying and Ryan's perception was "We're all the same....it's not like any of us are aliens or anything." I shared with him that my perception of bulling was the fact that it's pretty amazing we are all different, because if we were the same, it would be boring.

Then we continued to talk about Dylan.....apparently the coolest kid in school. And I told Ryan "Well, you never know, you and Dylan....." he interrupted me and said "Could end up being friends forever, just like you and my mom."

Later that night Lori told me Dylan is a cool kid and he told Ryan he gets really mad when people treat him differently than other friends.  And Ryan asked him if he was one of the people that did that and Dylan was able to say no.

So, there you have it by being myself around people I am comfortable with and care about I have been able to help a friend's child mature into a genuine friend who has an open mind. And because Ryan is very good at being who he is, showing he strengths as a good friend to others and expressing all of this totally made my day!   

Living Life to it's Fullest at Age 12!

I haven't been inclined or inspired to write about 1 person up until my time spent with my son's friend, Ryan! He is remarkable and our time together is cherished.

I have known this kid his entire life (12 years) and I am able to say he has so many of his mom's personality traits. There is never a dull moment with Ryan or his mom for that matter.

It was a normal summer evening and annual visit with my life long friend and her family. Actually, when I am able to see these friends only one time a year, it's never a normal evening. I was so excited to see Lori, her mom, daughter, niece and son Ryan. There were 6 of us headed to Grand Haven, so we had to take 2 cars. I drove separate and Ryan announced he would ride with me as I followed the full car of ladies. I adore each of these kids who are now 12, 13 and 14 years old. I'm also an educator, therefore I should have no difficulty in carrying on a conversation with a 12 year old boy. But I still wondered how am I going to fill the awkward moments of silence with this 12 year old boy. I'm cool...he's cool.....but still....he's a 12 year old boy!

Why this thought of awkward silence ever crossed my mind is beyond me?

There are some pretty outstanding stories about Ryan. He's active, smart and perceptive beyond his age and sometimes in the school setting or a setting when it's time to be boring, this can be tricky. However, it's also been shared with me that he has paid for a homeless man's meal at Chick-fil-a with his own allowance and has asked an elderly woman who was sitting alone in a food court if he could sit with her to chat.

I will now make a list of things Ryan was ready to have a fluid conversation about:

1. He asked me if I ever traveled out of the country? We discussed potential motion sickness on cruise ships & he filled me in on his opportunity to go to Mexico. I asked "if he could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?" Without hesitation......Mexico again and Fiji. And with hesitation....San Francisco. You know, to see the Oakland NBA team play. Of course, why else would the Bay Area be second on someone's list to travel.

2. His illness the day of his 6th grade graduation. Poor Fella.

3. He asked if I had ever been to Science Camp. I had not. So, I asked he had fun. I received an instant "No." and a long explanation as to why.

4. The history of Cat Calling! You see at 16 I was quiet and naive but my spunky side was waiting to sneak out. Lori (Ryan's mom) taught me how to Cat Call out the window of the car while cruising the strip in Grand Haven. We would Cat Call, then duck so the guy receiving the call would think it was my aunt and Lori's mom (the older ladies in the back seat). Ryan listened to the story as thoughtful as possible and asked "Is this Cat Calling thing to pick up men?"

5. The fact that I live in Lansing - not Whitehall. Each kid, Maddy (14), Ella (13) and Ryan never knew I lived 2 hours away from Whitehall. I explained to Ryan when he was a baby and still lived in Michigan I'd stay overnight at his house. He explained that he didn't remember because only his visual memory was good....not the rest of his memory.

Ryan's idea for his Da'Vinci Project

Throughout the night as we re-joined the rest of the group I kept telling Lori and her mom how much Ryan reminded me of his mom. It's literally like my forever friend's soul is living within this child! So, I couldn't get enough of our conversations. While in Grand Haven Ryan held the door for me, his mom and grandma. During dinner he checked to make sure we had enough napkins, silverware, etc. When we were out shopping Lori and I were sitting outside with the group while the teenagers shopped. Ryan, handed his mom a bag and said "I bought you this because it looked like you." Again, there's Lori's soul.

Many of us have encountered remarkable kids and it's hard for me to capture Ryan's enthusiasm and positive attitude towards life. He literally could teach adults how to make others feel comfortable and enjoy life.

He has encouraged me to continue living life to it's fullest and be true to myself at all times. There's more to share about my visit with Ryan but I thought it was important to share the background of who this guy is!

Stay tuned! :)

Best Friends

This is a topic I don't discuss much or write about. Relationships and the love I have for others is a major part of my life. Probably one of the most important!

Ever since I was young, I've never had 1 single best friend.

When I was really young my first best friend moved away to a different school. She became and still is a special life long friend. However, to survive in middle school and high school I needed to spread my horizons and I found a group of girls I spent all of my time with. Smaller relationships/friendships formed - of course. We loved being a group but we all had to learn something - how to share! We are now stronger for it and the majority of us are in touch. As a young teenager I was also very lucky to look up to my cousin like a sister and another special friend that is 10 years older than me.

Being young, naive and in my own little bubble I was satisfied with friends from different walks of life. Nobody was really more special than the other. I had a different female friend for every component of my life. This started from the time I was 13 or 14 years old. Yes, I had heard about "best friend" picture frames and supposedly there were rules about best friends but I never really cared. Very few of these friends could say she's seen my entire family under 1 roof interact several times. Only a couple of these friends would let me take their old clothes or give advice from a wiser perspective. As my world expanded so did my friendships. In college I had very close friends who were the only ladies who could relate to a rigorous program in school. I love these ladies very much because of these experiences we shared together and the way they expanded my world. For a very brief time in my 20s I had all of these ladies in my life all at once. Never really once labeling 1 as my "my best friend." I kept on categorizing......each of them are apart of my life for such different reasons.

As everyone moved away and continued to grow a become their own person.....I labeled all of these women as life long friends because all of them were. I couldn't dispute that fact. Trips occurred to go see them all around the country and weddings also started to happen. I had absolutely no idea who I would have for a maid of honor or even bridesmaids.

A few years ago, the Facebook world arose and ruined my sweet, naive bubble of having so many friends I loved and not being able to single one out as the "best" when Best Friend Day was introduced. Thank you, Facebook. I don't have "a person." And I've also heard several women who discuss and talk about their best friend and "person."

The past couple of years my perspective began to shift in a negative way.  Am I closed off where I am not vulnerable or accepting enough to have just 1 best friend? Did I miss this major component of my life?  But when you have something like 9 best friends you see monthly or even weekly at age 22 to having them all move away within 2-3 years, your life perspective changes.

Life also changes. Along with moves, there are careers, significant others, new life long friendships being created, pets, babies, and the list goes on!

As I visit with some of my life long friends there's a few realizations I've come to terms with.

1. I may never have a person.........but I have "people." They are all incredibly different from each other and are in my life for different reasons.

2. When I do visit these people, it's like nothing has ever changed.

3. I'm vulnerable enough......I go to their houses use their fridges, bathrooms, beds, visit with their families and other friends. Actually, so many times I have felt like I have gained some really genuine new friends through these visits. I love their kids more than my blood relatives. I would bend over backwards to see them smile or take away they annoyances and I know they would do the same for me! I trust them all and even though I am not sharing all of my darkest secrets with them all in one visit, I would not care if they knew.

4. I need to always remember that the best friends encourage us to follow ours dreams. This means being encouraging and supportive when we do move away, create new relationships, take risks that may seem dumb in their eyes. Being a good friend is being non-judgmental to that friend even though you may not agree or understand. Friendship isn't always about you feeling good about the decisions the other person is making, it's about supporting your friend the best way you know how.

5. I have this with more than 1 person who would do these things for me and I would do the same for them. The 14 year old in me would have never questioned this......so I shouldn't let it bother me now!

I go to bed some nights thinking......Life is rich!

Seeing The World On My Bike!

Seaside, OR

Last year was a year of transition for me. No job change, big move or relationship change however I began to wonder what my passions were. Bike riding, traveling, writing top the list. In a very unspontaneous  manner, I decided I should make the most out of these things.

The thought crossed my mind........why am I not making an effort to see as much as I can while riding my bike? Most days mainly because of convenience and safety since I ride alone on my own each day. The past few years I have begun riding on the bike trail and Lansing with friends and/or participating in the Ability Tour a local bike tour. Last summer when I took a bike ride through San Francisco across The Golden Gate Bridge and through Sausalito, I only wanted to do more! One way to expand my horizons and views of the world is to bike ride in some different places.

Freight on Muskegon Lake! 

When I decide to make a change, I move slowly. This summer so far I have rode along the board walk in Seaside, OR and along a bike path around Muskegon Lake here in Michigan. Both rides have made me so happy/fulfilled! In Seaside and in Muskegon I saw plants/flowers, animals, freights beach homes and got closer to a mountain cliff than I normally would have from a car. It's cheap and it allows me to physically active....there's no downside to taking a daily bike ride!

I wonder where I will end up next?!



The Path To Health!

I realize for healthy mental and emotional healthy striving for physical health is also important.

I guess you could say, I also really believe in moderation!

During my summer break I am able to make sure I take a bike ride, I can control my eating habits and of course I am committed to my vision therapy.

I've set baby goals.....to give up Pepsi and Facebook...neither has happened. I have a phone reminder every 2 hours to drink water and many times I ignore it. My neck is incredibly tight and sore - especially when I spend lots of time on my phone/Facebook.

Last week along with vision exercises I began doing yoga stretches for my neck and shoulders and of course they work. Earlier this spring I was also inspired when Cher stated she was able to do a plank for 5 minutes. So, I began doing planks for as long as possible.

I will repeat, progress on everything is slow:
Pepsi: I totally have a few days here and there when I indulge......bad! I have to set the reset button and work on 64 ounces of water daily. This will be a very conscious decision. If I treat myself I loose sight of my goal.

Facebook: It's here to stay. Do I get on while I'm with people socializing or enjoying my hobbies? No. But it's an absolute habit. I like using it however there are a few instances where it doesn't help my self esteem, stress level or allow me to accomplish the goals I set for myself. I feel like less is more, the less often I'm on chances are I will enjoy seeing what my friends are up to.

Plank: The longest recorded time I have done is 2 min 31 seconds.

I shall report with an update and make myself accountable on these things next week.

Taking small steps...to time well spent

I would love to wake up everyday and just allow myself time to practice a happy, healthy, holistic approach to life. I don't think I'll ever have my 6 months of "Eat, Pray, Love."

But here I go....stumbling along,

Part of my vision therapy exercises this week is to use flippers with various levels of lens to assure my eyes can readjust and focus at various levels while I am reading.  I wear a patch over 1 eye while I'm flipping the lens every couple of paragraphs as I read, after 5 minutes I switch and do the other eye. I like this because this spring I have been wanting to read more to expand my writing skills and also to stop empty minutes of TV watching and Facebook browsing.

So, I have been increasing my eye muscles as I expand my knowledge and I have really been enjoying what I have been reading.

Last week at the store I picked up a Newsweek focused entirely on Mindfulness. This issue couldn't have come at a better time for me.

There have been a few quotes that I truly believe in from this issue of Newsweek...."Going at your own pace, with decisiveness." I have written about this in the past. Physically I act and move slow from my motor movements to how I intake and digest food. I also accept change and move forward in small increments as I inch my way forward. This all works well for me because of my sensitive nature......I make mountains out of mole hills in the most positive way possible. So a tiny jolt of change, feels like I was electrocuted. Rather than feeling like I am quirky with slow physical output and change, I can just say I'm on the path to being Mindful. 


Today I read an article about a solider in the military who used Mindfulness along with physical exercise to survive through his time in Iraq. By having a holistic approach to increase his spirituality, physical, mental and emotional health he was able to believe he was going to survive and become stronger through these life threatening experiences. It prevented him from gaining PTSD and allowed him to form a business based on his practices! Through his business he reaches out to other soldiers and everyday mom's who are apart of the workforce. He's a modern day soldier who follows the practices of ancient warriors which in turn is making his community and world around him stronger.

After reading today, I continued on with a few minutes of yoga stretches (after reading that article, how could I just plop down a watch daytime TV or hop onto Facebook)?

But the realization hit me.....it's not about the environment I work in, stresses of daily life or full access to junk in the media determining the mood I'm in.

It's Me! And the choices I decide to make of how I use my time!

Vision Therapy Update

I have been working on improving my health and overall view of the world and this life I'm leading.

So what better time for me to commit to vision therapy which was recommended after an evaluation by a Optometrist last August.

Being an Occupational Therapist in a professional sense I knew the muscles in my eyes were not strong and ready to lead the busy professional life I have. In my early 20s I couldn't see without my glasses for the drivers test for several seconds until I had time to focus my eyes. By my mid 20s it wasn't that I couldn't see the clock down the hall, it just took effort and was exhausting. Each year the Ophthalmologist would give me a stronger prescription for being near sighted. I noticed my right eye drifting off in pictures of myself. So, I mentioned this to the Ophthalmologist and had a prism put in my lens.  I also could no longer stand in high open places and this included going down an open staircase and this challenge seemed to be increasing. What was wearing glasses to drive only at night and to read subtitles on a far away screen became wearing glasses for near nearsightedness with a prism at all times.

Being a school based therapist, I had read about kids with attention issues struggling with vision problems and I knew I could relate that to myself. I spent years of poor test taking and highlighting everything I read during college. Knowing what I did I was willing to accept that I was happier doing puzzles, scrap booking, watching TV than I was at reading for pleasure. Something was up but I was just going to deal with it. Last summer I mentioned my phone/computer screen going blurry as I wore my glasses to read. So I mentioned something during my annual checkup thinking due to my age it was a true change in acuity. Days after I fearfully rode my bike across The Golden Gate Bridge I was asked about my visual changes and my life style. I'm impressed with the holistic approach of that Ophthalmologist. From this conversation I was told I more than likely had poor depth perception for a few reasons and a further evaluation was her recommendation. Maybe that bike ride wouldn't have been so full of fear after my 20 weeks in vision therapy?!?  

I did not begin vision therapy without serious thought. It is money out of pocket since it's not covered by insurance and 20 weeks of weekly appointments (if a week is missed a new week is tagged on to receive 20 sessions). It wasn't going to be just a summer thing and there's daily homework. I was so excited to learn about eyes/muscles/the effects of the whole person. I was excited to pass these things onto my kids. This is like a behind the scenes college course. That part excited me. Truly I can get my geek on! I took a vision conference and got some background of what it was that was going on and what I could potentially experience going through therapy. Yes, I was going to commit to this. So I chose as late as I could on a Thursday and by the end of April began my journey. I left a handful of IEPs early (of course 4pm on Thursday's became super popular). And many nights after the school day, meetings, report writing, errands I did my VT exercises at 10pm. Homework is everyday - not just when your sitting around watching TV.

Each week I get a tiny square to write about progress on my exercises and I write about a paragraph. I was told this is unusual. I ask as many geeky, detailed questions as possible each week. I've begun to notice it's more comfortable to read without my glasses. I have also noticed I can walk around for awhile without my glasses and my eyes aren't strained. This is similar to where my sight was 10 years ago. I still am not so hot with going down stairs, or being on bridges and mountain cliffs. It limited my exploration on vacation! I had my first 8 week eval with the Optometrist last week and my eyes are working together up close (my right eye is no longer being suppressed as much). However, I need to work on more exercises with far away work because my right eye still shuts down. We (doc, therapist and I) are unclear of what my script will be when I'm done in November.  There's potential that it could change. I still haven't seen double - so without me working at it, my right eye is......suppressed (asleep essentially).

But hey, it's a chance to learn even more about my body and how everything is connected! It's kind of like I am doing yoga for my eyes!