Baggage. We All Have It.

 I realize that everyone is different and has their own personal struggles.  At some point in everyone's life they are going to have a physical aliment  that requires attention and a certain amount of rehabilitation.  This is how I view my cerebral palsy.  Some physical challenges that are kind of a pain to tend to and take care of.  I am very self reliant, independent (physically and emotionally) and I don't really consider myself disabled or challenged by the obstacles of what life has to offer.  If there is something I physically can't do, I ask for help, even though sometimes that is hard to do.  There isn't anything standing in my way from a full complete life.

 I realize looking at the bigger picture I am a minority.  Not everyone has a life-long physical disability.  People still view me differently than the average person because my speech is different and I walk differently.  I am amazed at how I tend to react to people who make my differences a big deal.  I think these people are a little weird and I become a bit more standoffish to them than other people who don't make my differences an issue.  Even when people want to put me on a pedestal for the person who they think I am, I get a little weirded out.  I am no different than a person who is overweight and has lost a lot of weight, or people of a different skin color/ethnic group  or people who have struggled with a mental illness and had to overcome extra barriers to succeed and  become a respectable member of society.  I don't want to make a big deal about my physical diagnosis because frankly I have better things to think about and worry about. 

However, no matter how much I like to ignore the fact that I am disabled, it's still there and will always be there.  It's there for me like an annoying ex husband you share custody kids with or college debt.  It always has to be considered in certain decisions I make and that's okay.  I'm more prone to becoming tired and pretty sore throughout my body.  I use almost double the energy a woman my age does to complete tasks.  Sometimes I wonder if I actually feel 38 or 43 years old instead of my actual age.  It takes me longer to walk to my car, get dressed or to eat.  Again, I am not complaining.  But lately it has been a reality check of what my actual expectations are for myself are and what my actual lifestyle will look like for myself over the next several years.  I remember my mom keeping tabs on this for me as a child.  When I first hit adulthood at 18 I realized full time college, a part time job and time for socializing until 2am on the weekends wasn't for me.  I feel like I am going to have it all, but just not all at once, my body just won't allow for it. 

I feel like my cerebral palsy is a pesky, annoying mishap that just happen to me.  To put it bluntly, it's my baggage.  I would not be the person I am without it.  It has made me more mature, more humble and a more empathetic person.  I wouldn't trade it for some other pesky, annoying life challenge.  I feel like I have the personality and attitude to handle it or conquer it with grace.