I realize that everyone is different and has
their own personal struggles. At some point
in everyone's life they are going to have a physical aliment that requires attention and a certain amount
of rehabilitation. This is how I view my
cerebral palsy. Some physical challenges
that are kind of a pain to tend to and take care of. I am very self reliant, independent
(physically and emotionally) and I don't really consider myself disabled or
challenged by the obstacles of what life has to offer. If there is something I physically can't do,
I ask for help, even though sometimes that is hard to do. There isn't anything standing in my way from
a full complete life.
I realize looking at the bigger picture I am a
minority. Not everyone has a life-long
physical disability. People still view
me differently than the average person because my speech is different and I
walk differently. I am amazed at how I
tend to react to people who make my differences a big deal. I think these people are a little weird and I
become a bit more standoffish to them than other people who don't make my
differences an issue. Even when people
want to put me on a pedestal for the person who they think I am, I get a little
weirded out. I am no different than a
person who is overweight and has lost a lot of weight, or people of a different
skin color/ethnic group or people who
have struggled with a mental illness and had to overcome extra barriers to
succeed and become a respectable member
of society. I don't want to make a big
deal about my physical diagnosis because frankly I have better things to think
about and worry about.
However, no
matter how much I like to ignore the fact that I am disabled, it's still there
and will always be there. It's there for
me like an annoying ex husband you share custody kids with or college
debt. It always has to be considered in
certain decisions I make and that's okay.
I'm more prone to becoming tired and pretty sore throughout my
body. I use almost double the energy a
woman my age does to complete tasks.
Sometimes I wonder if I actually feel 38 or 43 years old instead of my
actual age. It takes me longer to walk
to my car, get dressed or to eat. Again,
I am not complaining. But lately it has
been a reality check of what my actual expectations are for myself are and what
my actual lifestyle will look like for myself over the next several years. I remember my mom keeping tabs on this for me
as a child. When I first hit adulthood
at 18 I realized full time college, a part time job and time for socializing
until 2am on the weekends wasn't for me.
I feel like I am going to have it all, but just not all at once, my body
just won't allow for it.
I feel like
my cerebral palsy is a pesky, annoying mishap that just happen to me. To put it bluntly, it's my baggage. I would not be the person I am without
it. It has made me more mature, more
humble and a more empathetic person. I
wouldn't trade it for some other pesky, annoying life challenge. I feel like I have the personality and
attitude to handle it or conquer it with grace.
